When we are talking about healing, many people have forgiveness in their minds. They say, if you want to be completely healed, you have to forgive, you have to do so for yourself, in order to get rid of the binding energies.
Honestly, I am a rebel in many aspects and this is one of them. I don`t mind, if someone, sees it as their goal, but to me it contradicts the natural flow of emotional balance. I do believe the process is actually the other way round. First you heal and this automatically will lead to an emotion which one can describe as forgiveness. Everything else does in my experience leave an aspect, which needs to be seen in the shadow.
It never sat right with me, when someone mentioned how I should feel and what I should do in order to be healed. The emphasis on forgiveness might come from a very good intention, but it leaves out, the harmonious flow of how healing itself happens. The natural way how we heal.
As long as there is an aspect that makes you feel bound to someone who did do you wrong, there is a wound drawing attention. And wounds do not like to be neglected or overlooked, they want to be seen. This is the whole reason, why they emerge over and over again.
If we really are eager to heal, these are exactly the spots, where we need to go to. Wounds are not there to annoy you or to make your life difficult, they happen due to external circumstances and a natural vulnerability within. Just like physical wounds, they need the appropriate treatment and when you take care of then, they will heal on their own. With the proper care, it oftentimes won`t even leave a scar behind.
It is very similar with emotional wounds. The challenge is, that we can not see them on a physical level, we only sense the hurt, but this is exactly the indicator of how much the after effects of a painful situation are still impacting one`s self.
If you approach an issue from this perspective, validating the hurt and soothing it, by acknowledging it and feeling compassionate towards your own self, forgiveness is not even releavant any longer, because there is no more attachement to the incident and by that, you are free.
I always felt it being very inappropriate to tell someone who had endured a trauma, that healing can only happen, if they forgive their perpetrator. This is where the whole aspect gets really sensitive, because telling someone it`s relevant for them to forgive, pushes them to ignore their own feelings, which are actually the sign posts of their inner healing.
Healing is an organic experience, which can not be directed by the mind, because the mind oftentimes is the aspect, that kept one functioning, but also at the same time kept the lid closed to the emotional disbalance and by that stuck in the status quo.
Validating our emotions and our bodily memories is the key to peace and inner balance. Forgiveness is a construct, that loses it`s importance, when we see stuck emotions for what they are: Remnants of something that wasn`t seen in it`s fullness and complexity yet, so that they are still wanting to share part of the story.